I'm Not Okay, by Ariadna Delgado Ruiz

Updated: Aug 12, 2019

*Trigger Warning* Suicide, Depression

I wake up in the morning and it’s hard to get out of bed.

Not just hard, but impossible... is it all in my head?

Why does my heart ache and why is my body numb?

When I explain these feelings to someone, I always feel so dumb.

“Why are you sad when everything in your life is fine?”

It’s just that my thoughts and my soul don’t seem to align.

I want to live, my brain wants to die.

Do you still see me when you look into my eyes?

I’m silently screaming,

I’m tired of coping,

I’m barely breathing,

I’m finally choking.

In the moment I thought the pills would be my end,

I just remember the police and the ambulance.

Why save me when I’m condemned?

I’ll never forget the way they all looked at me.

They kept asking, “How could this be?”

I had been asking for help on my knees,

But you only listened to some degree

Since that day I have gotten better,

It’s been the end of the stormy weather.

However, please be there for me if my demons come back,

If you’re with me, I can survive all of the attacks.

I’m not okay,

I might never fully be,

But I can fully say:

I try to be better everyday.

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